You don't need a special occasion such as a birthday or holiday to show your love to your family.
5 ways your child will terrify you
Maybe you harbored ambitions of being the cool, laid-back kind of mom or dad. Or, maybe you always knew you were going to be the crazed germaphobe who wipes everything with antibacterial wipes, twice. Either way, you were likely unprepared for these five ways your child will terrify you (and cause a few grey hairs in the process):
- At some point in time, your child will consume something of unknown origin. It doesn’t matter if you are the kind of mom or dad that only serves organic, locally-sourced, homemade foods (you are a unicorn, admit it!) or if your weekly meal planning consists of various takeout containers, your child will find some unidentifiable piece of oh-my-god-what-do-you-have-in-your-mouth! You will amaze yourself with the speed and confidence in which you yank said item out of their tiny mouth (watch your fingers!). You will forget about said incident, until it happens again and again and again.
- Secretly (and maybe not so secretly), you will judge and stare at other parents who
leashuse child-friendly harnesses until the one day when your child decides to become a contender for the Kentucky Derby and run headlong into a busy street. Your next stop will be Babies-R-Us. Kid harnesses are great! Let’s buy two in case we lose one.
- Even after you have
adultchild-proofed every outlet, door, hallway, cabinet, stairwell, and even the family dog, somehow your child will end up on top of the tallest piece of furniture in your house. You will literally fly to get your child down from the imminent death dive and be convinced aliens must have placed her in that spot; because you need somebody to blame, and it’s not going to be you.
- One night, and you never know what night it’s going to be, your big-kid-bed-sleeping child will find his way into your room. Instead of waking you for the hundredth time that week, he will just stand at the side of your bed, staring at you. Cue accompanying terror music. Poltergist, I mean your child, will be unable to articulate why he is in your room. You will slowly wake up your partner, just to confirm you are not imagining things, herd that kid into his bed, and try, unsuccessfully, to go back to sleep.
- At some point you will realize you love your tiny tyrant beyond all reason. Sure it’s beautiful, wonderful, and amazing, but you know that you will never be the same. No matter how old, how tall, or how far your child is from you, you will never stop worrying about them, EVER.